Transparency Tuesday

Poor Damian has had to deal with reorganizing and rearranging our belongings for 25 years because of my OCD. But it is never too bad when I’m in a depressed state. Recently it seems that Hypomania has set in because of my meds balancing my serotonin. I was told that the SSRI should help my OCD but it seems it has not.

I really don’t have obsessive thoughts anymore, and that’s awesome by itself! But…I’m obsessive about rearranging and organizing and getting rid of everything! Poor Damian is pulled this way and that, moving furniture and hanging art. And the craziest part is we just function this way! Even my kids know the pattern…me “hey check out the kitchen” them “why? It will be different next week!” Indeed.

Today Gertty pointed out the obvious, that I was like a “tweeker” and that she wishes she had this energy. “No Gertty, you don’t.” It’s exhausting and frustrating while also satisfying and rewarding. But either way, it’s not natural and even though I love the need to clean everything, hang those photos just so, fluff that pillow, over and over and over, even line up the cat bowls…..I’ll be checking with my shrink to see if something more can be done to balance the Adrenalin with the serotonin. I don’t even want to imagine what state I’d be in without a beta blocker!

Be blessed friends and stay positive.

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