Our Children and Dating
How do we feel about our children dating? Well we are not against dating. And we believe the best way to know someone is to spend some intentional time with them first. And even though Damian and I were married in less then 5 months, that does not negate the fact that….there’s a very low statistically rated, probability for a loving, lasting marriage! So we do not encourage this. We do however encourage healthy, lengthy, hangout sessions in different settings to learn another’s character.
Everyone changes with the seasons, and we feel it is essential to spend at least 1 year, 4 seasons, before committing to another person! our oldest, Jacob has been in a courtship for over 2 years now with a lovely young lady who he plans to marry. So they will soon enter into an engagement until she graduates college. Another 2 years.
Our daughter Gertty is 21 and has maintained a long distance relationship for over 3 years. They also speak of marriage, but in this case, her suitor is finishing up college and then planing to move to whatever state we are living in.
Spenser has had only 1 serious relationship that started young about 14 and became way to intense to soon. Needless to say, after 3 years together, they amicably split and he has only had 2 short relationship since. He has no interest in another relationship until he gets his own self together and can cut the mama strings. I’m ready, snip snip!
Jana never dated but knew who she wanted from way before we adopted her! So she held out for this 1 boy, and though she had known him many years, she never pursued. She prayed and became close friends with him and wouldn’t you know it! At 17 they entered a courtship, at 19 they were engaged and on their 21st birthdays, they were enjoying margaritas, on the beaches of Hawaii, on their honeymoon.
Dexter never really dated! He had a couple of short, uneventful girlfriends, but nothing serious. He is planning to meet his wife when we move out of California.
Kendall, was untamable, a lot like myself. She dated this horrid boy for many years. When she finally realized he was NOT the one, she began going out all the time! It actually became very unhealthy and we had to ask her to move out. She was in her mid 20s at this point but I still had minors I was raising and the lifestyle she led was not ok with us. So she left, but then returned a few months later and agreed to slow down. Not long after that she met her now, much older, boyfriend and he and she recently moved to Texas with their 4 kids. Their 2 boys and his 2 girls. They are very happy.
Maggie, our sweet cranky baby. 17 years old and has never had a boyfriend. She has been on a couple dates, but is inexperienced with it. She has recently begun spending some time with this very nice young man Dillon, and even though they like each other a lot, both feel it is better to go slow and spend quality time together for a few months before making a commitment.
As you can see, when it comes to dating, among most things, we raise and encourage our children to always choose for themselves. We also do not bail them out if things go sour! They made the choice against our advice….which is perfectly fine! But they will also accept whatever consequences and work it out for themselves. While we can instill in them what we feel is best, nobody honestly knows what is best for someone else. Not even for our children.