BDSM

BDSM-D

D-discipline…I’ve shared in the past that the whole rule and punishment is not for us, so we discipline ourselves in that we keep a healthy body, mind, and hearts. Meaning, we eat clean, exercise regularly and communicate daily. We try to have fun and just be in the moments. Even our vanillaish encounters are very kinky now and we remain focused on serving and pleasing each other. We do also tend to vocalize our needs and or, dislikes where as before we kind of were just comfortable with what was or just let things go. This alone has brought us closer and allowed for less miscommunication, resulting in more joy and laughter.

We did actually try to implement some rules and punishments. For example, I use charcoal body soap in the shower. If you don’t know, charcoal soap literally contains charcoal. So it leaves black foam all over the shower walls which I fail sometimes to rinse down. Now, Damian has never complained about this, but he cleans the showers and I’m sure it’s annoying. A punishment for not rinsing it down would have to be something I dislike sexually! But being the gentleman that he is, it would be a difficult task to follow through with that punishment. On the other hand, Damian enjoys just about everything except being bit, and though I love to bite him, I would feel bad about going against his basically 1 no no!

Through research we have learned that a lot of couples purposefully are disobedient to receive the pleasurable punishment that they agree upon! But, to us, that then defeats the purpose of rules and punishment. A bit confusing to us. So for now we will continue to be disciplined in other ways and just punish each other by withholding punishment, which therefore punishes us both because I love to punish and he loves to be punished. Bleh, we need a lot of work and more research on this area.

We are also open to anyone’s input who partakes in BDSM! Maybe you can explain a little clearer to what we aren’t understanding here. Maybe we are overthinking it and are suppose to be naughty purposefully to earn the punishments? But in this case that isn’t necessary because I will punish him just because I enjoy it and so does he! See our dilemma? Any experts out there? Help!! Hehe

2 thoughts on “BDSM

  1. Firstly, grr, because I really dislike the term “experts” when it comes to BDSM hehe. One of my first blog posts was on the topic, but that’s another story!

    When it comes to being disobedient, I feel as though you need to beak down punishments VS punishments, okay, so I’m going to give you two examples that happen for me a lot: Stealing Wolfie’s computer mouse VS Talking badly about myself.

    For Wolfie, stealing his mouse is naughty, it’s bratty, it’s cheeky and, as long as I don’t do it 7-8 times in a night, it’s fun. We laugh, he usually calls me a little sh*t and tickles me for a bit, then we move on. Talking badly about myself though is a huge no-no, and that’s punishable usually with a lecture at the very least, and if there are punishments, none of them are going to be ones that I enjoy. I can be very bratty, but I don’t break the key rules, the rules we set and agreed upon as the foundations of our relationship. If Wolfie said “don’t steal my computer mouse because X”, that’s fine. I might put it away for him if I was cleaning after his shift (which is one of my chores), but I would respect that the computer mouse is off-limits and it would always stay on or in his desk. I might move it across the desk a bit too if I was feeling naughty, but again moving it isn’t stealing it, is it? It’s toeing the line, but it’s not breaking it, it’s just flirting with danger It’s something that I do very, very well, believe me! 😉

    With that said though, it’s also important to note that Wolfie likes that about me, he likes that I push and test the rules while never breaking them. To him, it keeps things interesting. Some people prefer absolute obedience, others find that tedious and boring. What works for one, might not work for another, it’s all about communication.

    In my very personal opinion, breaking the aforementioned key rules is not being a brat, that’s being a bad submissive. It’s fine to be naughty, cheeky, opinionated and strong-willed, but if you’re going to agree to something, you stick to it, unless and until you both agree otherwise. Breaking those rules is a failure of the relationship and that’s not punishable, your relationship is at a crisis level and it’s not healthy. As a submissive, I know when to do as I’m told and when I have some flexibility, and as a Dominant, I’ve always refused to pay with a submissive who disregards the basic rules because they are doing it to get you to punish them how they want to be punished. In the community, we call that “topping from the bottom”. I trust you’ve heard of that expression before?

    Unfortunately, I think a lot of people base themselves on what a BDSM relationship should look like or needs to contain from what they’ve read or seen on the media, and I think that’s a shame. If you’re both safe and having consensual fun, do whatever rocks your boat! Switch or don’t, assign rules and protocols or don’t, it’s up to you! Do you want to be strict or silly? Do you want strict roles or some flexibility? Only you can decide what your relationship looks like!

    I guess what I mean to say is, if it ain’t broke, why fix it? 🙂 xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love this! Thank you for your input! This makes ALOT of sense and clears up the confusion. We are a lot more on the playful or passionate side so this affirms what we were pretty sure of. I know “expert” in this community is a cringey word…a better one would hav been “experienced” or “‘more knowledgeable.” And 1 of my favorite things is the wide spectrum of it all. Thanks again😘

    Like

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