One word…Research

Research people! DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH. Damian and I research alot of different articles, web pages and blogs if we are going to share any facts or information that is not our own personal experience.

The BDSM structure is 6 parts, but the way each couple adheres to it or let’s it play out in their bedroom/scenes is infinite! Every facet may not be every couples cup of tea, but we can’t let lack of knowledge hold us back from all it has to offer. And we can’t hold judgement over ones preferences, over another. No two couples(or threesomes, foursomes…) journeys will compare.

I spoke a bit on bondage and shibari which, we both very much enjoy! Now I will speak on a not so settling area and that’s discipline.

Discipline in BDSM is the practice in which the dominant sets rules which the submissive is expected to obey. When rules of expected behaviour are broken, punishment is often used as a means of disciplining. [wikipedia]

Like I mentioned in a previous post, mental discipline is an area in which we struggle. And it’s not for lack of research, believe me. It’s due more to lack of comfort in setting rules over my best friend. Damian, on the other hand has absolutely no problem with being physically disciplined and I can clearly see that it arouses him immensely! Even though we have not set rules per say, he sometimes deserves punishments and gladly receives them! How refreshing it must be to have initiated sex in the marriage for 25 years and then all of a sudden to be pursued so aggressively! That should be enough incentive for me to just slip naturally in to that area. Sadly no.

I’m not sure if it’s past trauma that holds me back, or fear of the unknown. Maybe both. But I do know that time will tell and all that we have experienced up to this point has been beyond pleasurable and severely awakening, and because we are all in, we will continue to press through and push ourselves to accomplish this step as well. I’ve come to discover that if you have a fear, and you face it, once you see it can no longer negatively effect you, what do you have left to fear? Easy concept right? If only it were that easy to apply.

So through continued enlightening, I am going to push myself and start small. I’m setting a goal right now, to create a short list of rules that will include corresponding punishment if not obeyed…ew, just that word makes me cringe…obey…but I never said that some areas of BDSM were not cringe worthy.

Wish us luck! I look forward to sharing our progress with you soon! And happy reseaeching

4 thoughts on “One word…Research

  1. You are so brave. My partner likes it when I initiate but I am terrified to due to all my unresolved trauma which I am trying to heal. I have pain issues (from trauma) making it impossible to even have “vanilla” sex and I so badly want to be able to have the hot sex he and I both crave.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My heart hurts for you! It has taken me years of medication, counseling and Jesus. We are on 25 years of marriage and I only recently have been able to take dominance. It’s important to communicate with your partner and TRUST is a must. Little by little if you surrender to his tenderness and care, you can learn to separate who he is in your life, from the trauma you endured. I have been there and can tell you it is possible to heal❤️


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