I want to share with you a bit about Damians feelings leading up to our sensual night of exploring my dominance and his submission in BDSM. Being that I write in 1st person, a lot of my feelings are expressed, and I feel it is important to capture what Damian feels and experiences as well. He is very introverted but also a very feeling person.
I remember him joking a lot and pointing out what he considered to be “signs” but more likely just coincidence. For instance, there was all of a sudden a new beverage at our favorite store called “kinky drink,” and also a new “ultimate sausage” beyond meat product. There were advertisements of “bending over” and “submitting for pleasure.” And many more, but I’m pretty sure that he was just so micro focused that any item could have been made into a sexual construct. It was just so funny to see his excitement as the day approached.
In the days leading up to the delivery, Damian had a lot of inhibitions. He was excited and nervous but also wasn’t sure if he was ready or even willing to go through with it. A few times he even considered backing out entirely. Day after day it would play through his mind, some days causing physical symptoms of nausea and clouded thinking, almost to the point of panic! It was actually pretty sexy to me because Damian has always been my rock, full of strength, confidence and dominance. So to see such a vulnerable side of him really turned me on.
Another set back that really had him concerned was, I love to talk. I love to share everything about everything with my friends! (And I have ALOT of close girlfriends) We will gossip and share story’s, blah, blah, blah and this constantly went through his mind. He did mention it a few times telling me that this is our private business, our sexy secret and I couldn’t share with my friends….which to me is a bummer because some of my friends are uptight and could learn a thing or two that might help them in their marriages. But I made a promise and so far have kept it. We have talked about eventually unveiling this secret to a few close knit pals that we know would benefit, but in the meantime, we will continue on our journey to discover all of the positive and negative BDSM offers. And be able to give thorough, sound advice to loved ones. Besides, most of the couples we know are extremely closed minded and frigid, and would most likely look down on this type of intimacy. And though we don’t care what people think about us, We don’t need close friends pulling away or passing judgement on our personal sexual experiences.
It was our communication, I believe, that got him through, what seemed like an eternity of waiting. We constantly comforted each other, gently sharing our concerns and our excitements. And we made sure that we both remained on board. My feelings were mainly excitement, but I wasn’t the one trying something for the first time. We have experienced anal, but I was the recipient, and without any added enhancements, besides booze! I personally do not prefer to be on the receiving end of anal pegging, but only because my G spot is not stimulated during this act. It’s more discomfort then anything. A mans G spot, is actually a P spot, and it is accessed right through the anus near the internal root of the penis. So double stimulation bonus during penetration. And for that reason, though Damian has doubts, I was beyond elated to go all the way! Let’s do this!
I will never forget the day Damian proposed…well suggested….Here we were just a few weeks in and having spent every waking minute together, except for work of course. We were so comfortable together, and pushed through the small disagreements that would come up from time to time. After all, we were from 2 completely different worlds and had quite different views on most things. But nothing so major that we couldn’t just agree to disagree and let them go.
We spent hours at a time discussing our hopes and dreams, our pasts and our futures. For the first time I could share what was on my mind and in my heart and trust that I was safe. We could be ourselves. And that made all the difference. It was something so new to be accepted and loved for all I was and had been through. No judgement or ridicule. I no longer felt trapped or afraid to freely grow. For the first time, in as far back as I can remember, I was happy. I had joy, love, acceptance, comfort, encouragement, and so many more wonderful things happening to me because of this one family and the choice Damian made to love me. He saved me in more ways then he will ever know. My entire life had shifted, and I finally looked forward to what was ahead. Healing
It was mid July when we decided to get married and put things into motion.We had run into Damians ex who was a crazy, hysterical, maniac. And this wasn’t too long after we had a run in with my crazy ex. Who was just as big a lunatic. So after this unpleasant yet entertaining encounter, we went to have lunch at the park. Well, while reminiscing about our crazy past relationships, there engraved in the table with hearts around them, was both those ex’s names! What? Was it a sign? An omen? The universe opening a door? Trippy is what it was and all we could do was laugh because honestly, they would have been perfect for each other. Just as we felt we were perfect together. So as I sipped my soda, Damian blurted out…”we should just go get married!”
Choking on my drink, I was a bit shocked. I mean I knew he was the one but, did I really know? All of my friends at this point that were married all agreed that “you’ll know when it’s the one” and I knew. So i responded with “let’s do it!” Not your traditional proposal. But we are not your traditional couple. So less then 3 weeks later, we were man and wife. And having just celebrated our 25 year wedding anniversary, I can clearly tell you that BDSM has passionately and guiltlessly, catapulted our relationship into a whole new level.
We didn’t tell anyone at first because we knew people would try to change our minds or come in between us! Throughout my life, it was normal for the people around me to destroy what was good or that which I cared for. So why would this be any different. And I was right! Instantly my mother freaked out, pulled giving my dad a heart attack card then tried to guilt me. When I didn’t cave she tried to bribe me, when that didn’t work the tears flowed. I agreed to wait just to get her off my back, and Damian and I decided against telling anyone else and the next weekend we drove to Vegas and eloped. It was small and wonderful and I would not change it for anything.
Yesterday we celebrated 25 years, and We both agree that as great as it’s been, the best is yet to come.
Since tomorrow is our 25 yr anniversary I’m going to share a bit about our early years. We have given you a glimpse into the amazing relationship we have shared over 25 years but now we will share a bit of our foundation.
When we first met, I lived with my parents who were in a loveless marriage, in a well to do neighborhood with just them and my older, mentally unstable brother. We had a huge cold home, which seldom had visitors, country club memberships, vacation properties and I had been set up for success with college tuition, cars and all the love my parents thought they could give me through materialism. But no real love, affection or happiness. It was actually dark and depressing.
Damian, who’s parents were recently separated, stayed in his aunt and uncles tiny 2 bedroom home a few cities away, with his mom, whom was now forced onto welfare, 2 siblings, 3 cousins and multiple relatives constantly coming and going. Clearly no finances for college, cars, or even housing. But a situation truly filled with love and joy. I loved spending time over at his aunts because I had never experienced such a pure love, pouring through out a family unit like his. A huge, loud, loving, Spanish family, with laughter, care, concern for anyone and everyone! And always food, lots of delicious home cooked, authentic Mexican food.
We knew we wanted married early on, but my parents were not about it. We spent a lot of time in the beginning at my home because my dad was always working and my mom was oblivious to anything not in a pill bottle. Plus, Damians home was a bit crowded and we never had a chance to just be alone and get to know each other. After some time my dad, who left everything up to my mom, who generally swept everything under the rug, made a comment about this “little boy” staying in my room so frequently, and that she had to make him leave as it “wasn’t appropriate.” He was just more concerned about what people might think if I ended up pregnant! How dare we stain their perfect reputation. I remember her knocking on my bedroom door and telling me “party’s over, send the little boy home!”
At the time I was 22 and Damian 18, so yes a little boy but also an adult, and 22 is not that grown either. Especially with my delayed maturity due to a lifetime of trauma and abuse. So I told her “NO!” “We are in love and getting married!” I don’t think I ever heard my mom laugh so loud at something other then a comedy show, but she did! She laughed in my face! She reminded me of the 3 year relationship I had just ended, which was just as dysfunctional as my family, before telling me “he’s a rebound, let him go so you don’t break his heart.” Wow. So I told her “fine, he will go, and so will I.” At that moment we packed as many things as I could in my tiny little car and I moved into Damians aunts, already overly crowded home. I would rather live on a couch in squalor with him, then spend another minute with my own parents.
Damians family accepted me right in from the beginning! They never judged me or made me feel like I wasn’t apart of their hearts. His mom assigned us a utility bill and a closet to store my items in and we remained there, sleeping on a pullout couch in the middle of the living room, happily for some time. Eventually we knew we would need a place of our own, but for now we just wanted to spend all of our time together! And me only working part time, made enough to support us on a couch, and that was good enough because it gave us all the time we needed to be together, learning about each other and build the strongest bond I’d ever felt. We were truly young and free at this point! Not a care in the world, except each other.
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