The Best is yet to come

I will never forget the day Damian proposed…well suggested….Here we were just a few weeks in and having spent every waking minute together, except for work of course. We were so comfortable together, and pushed through the small disagreements that would come up from time to time. After all, we were from 2 completely different worlds and had quite different views on most things. But nothing so major that we couldn’t just agree to disagree and let them go.

We spent hours at a time discussing our hopes and dreams, our pasts and our futures. For the first time I could share what was on my mind and in my heart and trust that I was safe. We could be ourselves. And that made all the difference. It was something so new to be accepted and loved for all I was and had been through. No judgement or ridicule. I no longer felt trapped or afraid to freely grow. For the first time, in as far back as I can remember, I was happy. I had joy, love, acceptance, comfort, encouragement, and so many more wonderful things happening to me because of this one family and the choice Damian made to love me. He saved me in more ways then he will ever know. My entire life had shifted, and I finally looked forward to what was ahead. Healing

It was mid July when we decided to get married and put things into motion.We had run into Damians ex who was a crazy, hysterical, maniac. And this wasn’t too long after we had a run in with my crazy ex. Who was just as big a lunatic. So after this unpleasant yet entertaining encounter, we went to have lunch at the park. Well, while reminiscing about our crazy past relationships, there engraved in the table with hearts around them, was both those ex’s names! What? Was it a sign? An omen? The universe opening a door? Trippy is what it was and all we could do was laugh because honestly, they would have been perfect for each other. Just as we felt we were perfect together. So as I sipped my soda, Damian blurted out…”we should just go get married!”

Choking on my drink, I was a bit shocked. I mean I knew he was the one but, did I really know? All of my friends at this point that were married all agreed that “you’ll know when it’s the one” and I knew. So i responded with “let’s do it!” Not your traditional proposal. But we are not your traditional couple. So less then 3 weeks later, we were man and wife. And having just celebrated our 25 year wedding anniversary, I can clearly tell you that BDSM has passionately and guiltlessly, catapulted our relationship into a whole new level.

We didn’t tell anyone at first because we knew people would try to change our minds or come in between us! Throughout my life, it was normal for the people around me to destroy what was good or that which I cared for. So why would this be any different. And I was right! Instantly my mother freaked out, pulled giving my dad a heart attack card then tried to guilt me. When I didn’t cave she tried to bribe me, when that didn’t work the tears flowed. I agreed to wait just to get her off my back, and Damian and I decided against telling anyone else and the next weekend we drove to Vegas and eloped. It was small and wonderful and I would not change it for anything.

Yesterday we celebrated 25 years, and We both agree that as great as it’s been, the best is yet to come.

Opposites Attract

Since tomorrow is our 25 yr anniversary I’m going to share a bit about our early years. We have given you a glimpse into the amazing relationship we have shared over 25 years but now we will share a bit of our foundation.

When we first met, I lived with my parents who were in a loveless marriage, in a well to do neighborhood with just them and my older, mentally unstable brother. We had a huge cold home, which seldom had visitors, country club memberships, vacation properties and I had been set up for success with college tuition, cars and all the love my parents thought they could give me through materialism. But no real love, affection or happiness. It was actually dark and depressing.

Damian, who’s parents were recently separated, stayed in his aunt and uncles tiny 2 bedroom home a few cities away, with his mom, whom was now forced onto welfare, 2 siblings, 3 cousins and multiple relatives constantly coming and going. Clearly no finances for college, cars, or even housing. But a situation truly filled with love and joy. I loved spending time over at his aunts because I had never experienced such a pure love, pouring through out a family unit like his. A huge, loud, loving, Spanish family, with laughter, care, concern for anyone and everyone! And always food, lots of delicious home cooked, authentic Mexican food.

We knew we wanted married early on, but my parents were not about it. We spent a lot of time in the beginning at my home because my dad was always working and my mom was oblivious to anything not in a pill bottle. Plus, Damians home was a bit crowded and we never had a chance to just be alone and get to know each other. After some time my dad, who left everything up to my mom, who generally swept everything under the rug, made a comment about this “little boy” staying in my room so frequently, and that she had to make him leave as it “wasn’t appropriate.” He was just more concerned about what people might think if I ended up pregnant! How dare we stain their perfect reputation. I remember her knocking on my bedroom door and telling me “party’s over, send the little boy home!”

At the time I was 22 and Damian 18, so yes a little boy but also an adult, and 22 is not that grown either. Especially with my delayed maturity due to a lifetime of trauma and abuse. So I told her “NO!” “We are in love and getting married!” I don’t think I ever heard my mom laugh so loud at something other then a comedy show, but she did! She laughed in my face! She reminded me of the 3 year relationship I had just ended, which was just as dysfunctional as my family, before telling me “he’s a rebound, let him go so you don’t break his heart.” Wow. So I told her “fine, he will go, and so will I.” At that moment we packed as many things as I could in my tiny little car and I moved into Damians aunts, already overly crowded home. I would rather live on a couch in squalor with him, then spend another minute with my own parents.

Damians family accepted me right in from the beginning! They never judged me or made me feel like I wasn’t apart of their hearts. His mom assigned us a utility bill and a closet to store my items in and we remained there, sleeping on a pullout couch in the middle of the living room, happily for some time. Eventually we knew we would need a place of our own, but for now we just wanted to spend all of our time together! And me only working part time, made enough to support us on a couch, and that was good enough because it gave us all the time we needed to be together, learning about each other and build the strongest bond I’d ever felt. We were truly young and free at this point! Not a care in the world, except each other.

Fun Fact

BDSMers are just as stable as people who prefer vanilla sex….and just as those who prefer vanilla sex, BDSMers come in all varieties. Let’s end the stigma that it’s a form of abuse. It’s actually a form of freedom and healing

It’s Time

“What In the world are we suppose to do with this?” Damian asked pulling this enormous hot pink, veiny strap on dildo out of the box. “Well, I’m going to, do you with it?” I said, not completely convinced. Damian looked at me concerned. I took the dildo from his hands and held it at my crotch, thrusting it towards him, shrugging my shoulders and squinting my face, “it will fit!” I reassured him. “We got lube!” Research on lube y’all! Specifically how much is enough! We went way overboard that first night.

I guess we were so caught up In the excitement of this new venture that we didn’t comprehend the enormity of this massive sex toy! Actually I’m not so sure we even checked. We just liked the color! So we went back to the website, found the item, scrolled on down…length 9.5”, Circumference 6”….GASP!! I’m dead!! With my hands over my eyes I quickly snapped “that is not coming near me!” Damian quickly glanced at me with disdain in his face! “And you think it’s coming near me?” I smiled and gently kissed His lips. “No babe, it’s not coming near you!” I gently reached down and squeezed that luscious booty. Then whispered in his ear “it’s going inside you!” “How is that going to fit?” He whimpered, unconvinced. “Babe, we got lube! It will fit.”

Again, I can’t stress enough! Do your research. We came to discover that they actually sell sets for this exact purpose. They are called; anal training kits, and we recommend you start there! They average 3.5” and increase in size to 6.25.” Ooops we somehow missed this step!

Regardless, we were all in and ready to “get to bed” early. So we started playing into it for the kids benefits. “Ugh, I said laying back on the couch. “I have a terrible headache that just won’t stop!” Damian, knowing exactly what I was up to, played right along. “You want to go lay down in the room?” “It’s quiet and dark!” “Let me get you some water.” I retreated to the bedroom while Damian went to tell the kids I wasn’t feeling well and that I had gone to lay down. He told them I had a headache and to leave me alone. If they needed anything, they were on their own. Our youngest is about to be 18 and she was actually with some cousins for the weekend, so no one was neglected because of our little white lie. Fun fact: orgasm cures headache so if your feeling tense, hump it out! We know we do….

When Damian returned with my water, he closed and locked the door and joined me in the bathroom. We embraced for a bit making out like a young couple in our prime. How amazing it felt to feel so full of passion and excitement again, like we were newly weds, exploring each other for the first time! while he got out all of our goodies, I slipped out of my dress and made some adjustments to the room. Being we do have kids still in the home we needed to sound proof a bit, pillows over vents, blanket in front of the door, TV turned on..which kind of sucked, but, once we got started, we didn’t even notice it!

We began with some bondage. Damian tied me up and engaged in some light impact play! We made out some more, giggling and trying to relax each other. All the while, this huge pink dildo laying next to us on the bed that we just couldn’t stop glancing at. I pushed Damian off me and got up, clumsily attaching the harness and dildo. I provocatively stepped into the harness and wiggled my body in front of him while i pulled it up and tightened it onto my hips. Wow, the feeling of having this massive rod between my legs was so empowering! “Are you ready?” I asked Damian, as I stepped closer to him. “You won’t hurt me?” He asked again. “Trust me” I whispered pushing him onto the bed and gently pulling his hair. I kissed him again and then whispered “turn over, it’s time.”

One word…Research

Research people! DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH. Damian and I research alot of different articles, web pages and blogs if we are going to share any facts or information that is not our own personal experience.

The BDSM structure is 6 parts, but the way each couple adheres to it or let’s it play out in their bedroom/scenes is infinite! Every facet may not be every couples cup of tea, but we can’t let lack of knowledge hold us back from all it has to offer. And we can’t hold judgement over ones preferences, over another. No two couples(or threesomes, foursomes…) journeys will compare.

I spoke a bit on bondage and shibari which, we both very much enjoy! Now I will speak on a not so settling area and that’s discipline.

Discipline in BDSM is the practice in which the dominant sets rules which the submissive is expected to obey. When rules of expected behaviour are broken, punishment is often used as a means of disciplining. [wikipedia]

Like I mentioned in a previous post, mental discipline is an area in which we struggle. And it’s not for lack of research, believe me. It’s due more to lack of comfort in setting rules over my best friend. Damian, on the other hand has absolutely no problem with being physically disciplined and I can clearly see that it arouses him immensely! Even though we have not set rules per say, he sometimes deserves punishments and gladly receives them! How refreshing it must be to have initiated sex in the marriage for 25 years and then all of a sudden to be pursued so aggressively! That should be enough incentive for me to just slip naturally in to that area. Sadly no.

I’m not sure if it’s past trauma that holds me back, or fear of the unknown. Maybe both. But I do know that time will tell and all that we have experienced up to this point has been beyond pleasurable and severely awakening, and because we are all in, we will continue to press through and push ourselves to accomplish this step as well. I’ve come to discover that if you have a fear, and you face it, once you see it can no longer negatively effect you, what do you have left to fear? Easy concept right? If only it were that easy to apply.

So through continued enlightening, I am going to push myself and start small. I’m setting a goal right now, to create a short list of rules that will include corresponding punishment if not obeyed…ew, just that word makes me cringe…obey…but I never said that some areas of BDSM were not cringe worthy.

Wish us luck! I look forward to sharing our progress with you soon! And happy reseaeching